Helping a child cope with pet loss
The loss of a pet may be your child’s first experience of death – and your first opportunity to teach them about coping with the grief and pain that inevitably accompanies the joy of loving another living creature. Losing a pet can be a traumatic experience for any child. Many children love their pets very deeply and some may not even remember a time in their life when the pet was not around. A child may feel angry and blame themselves – or you – for the pet’s death. A child may feel scared that other people or animals they love may also leave them. How you handle the grieving process can determine whether the experience has a positive or negative effect on your child’s personal development.
Some parents feel they should try to shield their children from the sadness of losing a pet by either not talking about the pet’s death, or by not being honest about what has happened. Pretending the animal ran away, or “went to sleep” for example, can leave a child feeling even more confused, frightened and betrayed when they finally learn the truth. It is far better to be honest with children and allow them the opportunity to grieve in their own way.
Tips for helping a child cope with the loss of a pet
- Let your child see you express your own grief at the loss of a pet. If you do not experience the same sense of loss as your child, respect their grief and let them express their feelings openly, without making them feel ashamed or guilty. Children should feel proud that they have so much compassion and care deeply about their animal companions.
- Reassure your child that they were not responsible for the pet’s death. The death of a pet can raise a lot of questions and fears in a child. You may need to reassure your child that you, their parents, are not likely to die. It is important to talk about all their feelings and concerns.
- Involve your child in the dying process. If you have chosen euthanasia for your pet be honest with your child.
- Explain why the choice is necessary and give the child chance to spend some special time with the pet and say goodbye in his or her own way.
- If possible, give the child an opportunity to create a memento of the pet. This could be a special photograph, or a plaster cast of the animal’s paw print.
- Allow the child to be involved in any memorial service, if they desire. Holding a funeral or creating a memorial for the pet can help your child express their feelings openly and help process the loss.
- Do not rush out to get the child a “replacement pet” before they have had chance to grieve the loss they feel.
- Your child may feel disloyal, or you could send the message that the grief and sadness felt when something dies can simply be overcome by buying a replacement.
How To Explain Pet Euthanasia To A Child
Explain that the pet is ill, often suffering and that you have the ability to end that suffering in a very humane and gentle way. It is a simple injection, very peaceful and painless and if you really love a pet you have to make these kinds of difficult decisions.
Children tend to feed off how their parents react. If a parent is hysterical, the chid will be the same. If the parents are truly sad and deal with the sadness in a healthy and thoughtful manner, the children will follow their example.
If you are putting your beloved pet to sleep for the right reasons, tell your child that it is OK to feel sad and not to feel guilty. These are two very different emotions. You should feel sad and your children can feel sadness, but do not mix guilt with the sadness. One emotion is healthy, the other terribly burdensome.